This year I have had thedesire to do lots of new projects - but still have the lingering UFO's from last year and even some from years before . At the same time I want to maintain an inner joy and peace by not letting deadlines make me feel overwhelmed and in hurry to maintain deadlines. You see, I was diagnosed with MG (Myasthenia Gravis) in 2007. It affected my eyes first, then my speech, ability to chew, form words, then my strength in my hands and legs, and even my memory. With it comes a lot of fatigue. Before I was diag. with MG I was very active. I was head of the sewing department for a marine cushion company, maintained a tight schedule both at home, work and with my hobbies, and always met my deadlines way ahead of schedule. But since MG came into my life, I have felt frustrated, stressed, overwhelmed and unable to meet even (what normally would have been) very easy deadlines and goals.
Finally last summer I was so frustrated and ashamed at being behind on birthday gifts, reaching deadlines on orders from customers, and other obligations, I told myself I had to just take it one day at a time and do what I could do. As long as it gets done, and I did good work, then that is my goal.
To my amazement, I grasped onto a wonderful feeling of freedom.
I actually took some time to allow myself to just sit on the porch, relax, enjoy the sounds of birds singing, smell the fresh breeze, and feel the sun's warmth and I let go of those thoughts in my head of "Oh, I can't sit here, I have deadlines to meet - I have to get to work". I finally felt joy, a deep happiness, an inner peace. It was beyond words, it was wonderful. I don't think I have ever felt like that before. And I look forward to practicing it again this year. Yes, practice. I found that my old habits started coming back after about five or six weeks. Once again, I started making tight schedules for myself and deadlines. Feeling obligated as birthdays approached, to make new gifts, then more occasions arose, holiday's, etc. Until, once again, I was right back into frustration and depression. Old habits are hard to break - especially for old ladies my age.
Even though, this year some projects I'm working on are monthly challenges, and BOM's, which have deadlines - I'm going to remember to take my time, relax and be grateful for being able to partake in the things in life that I enjoy even if it takes me a bit longer then everyone else. Happy New Year!